funny, wierd, post and picture around the world

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY


3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

6 BEST SMART-ARSED ANSWERS OF THE YEAR




6 BEST SMART-ARSED ANSWERS OF THE YEAR (in reverse order)

SMART ARSED ANSWER 6

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

'What are my choices?' the man asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.


SMART ARSED ANSWER 5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'


SMART ARSED ANSWER 4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a supermarket but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'


SMART ARSED ANSWER 3

The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.

The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


SMART ARSED ANSWER 2

A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead.'

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck, he?'

The truck driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!'


SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A teacher at a TAFE college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-arse at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'